A scent and a tree..

It is a beautiful morning, today.The weather is just right,not too hot,not too cold..I love it when I feel a small breeze on my face...I am driving to work,just on time..I always try to choose the side roads especially in the morning as the view of the trees and the small creatures,crossing the road is relaxing and just refreshing...
I love to smell the morning,as each and every space and time has its own fragrance...In my house,the days I am working both babysitter and children are forced to smell my freshly cooked Lebanese dishes,mixed at times when I am in a big hurry with a tint of burned veggies at the deep bottom of the casserole...
Today,I have decided to wear the perfume that I have been avoiding for nine months,especially going to work in the morning...Our senses bring alive memories that we cherish or sometimes bad experiences that we try to heal from...This morning I tried to fold the page once more and give a new meaning and correlation to my flowery,subtle old perfume...give it a new dimension,a new space and time...and it felt good...
As I smell the morning in my beautiful town,I go back to years ago and I see myself sitting on a concrete bench in the street,waiting for the bus...It was early October and the first rain..I love the scent of the earth mixed with the concrete..The smell of autumn in Ashrafieh...I see myself with my sister,observing the snails which came out of nowhere,announcing the beginning of fall...It was also the first day of school...and yet,despite all the anxiety and the anticipation of the unknown felt by the little girl I was,the aroma of that early October, relishes me today and revives in me this warm fuzzy feeling of being home...
I love home, Ashrafieh,its old streets,its churches and all the faces I see when I think of it...I especially love the old pine tree,that I used to greet every morning from my small window...It holds the spirit of my grandparents...It stands majestically,over there,in my grand father's garden defying the tall buildings,embedded in the earth,almost touching the sky...
Trees fascinate me,amaze me and capture me...When I look at the oak tree protecting my today home,I feel safe and loved...It is my grand parents pine tree of yesterday...It is my shelter when I am sad or nostalgic...and the smell and sight of home,when I am driving back in the late afternoon,brings sparkles to my eyes and a happy,melodic tune to my heart..
Both my daughters strongly relate to their environment through their olfactory sense too...I often hear from my older one how this or that smell reminds her of this or that person or place...and I see myself in them...
Soon my mother will be coming..She will bring with her a scent of my childhood and the aromas of my beloved home,the memories of Ashrafieh...


Have a good evening everyone.


Love,


Roula.

a door and a window....

I have a choice...All of us have a choice..Sometimes we open a door,thinking it is the door of our future,thinking that we found our place..We make a choice,to belong somewhere and then,things happen..Sometimes ,we are so drawn to an idea,an ambition that all becomes a blur and we just move forward,ignoring all the signals,all the red flags...We pretend that they never existed!We walk a path that we were not meant to walk...we live a life that was not made for us..We simply suffer because we dont belong..It does not take long before we realize that our freedom is in our hands and that we still have a choice..making the decision to say no and to move on can sometimes take a large burden on us..But it is a decision that we have to make and it is a door that we know we have to close!
And we dont realize how hard it was and how bad things were until we get out,until we see things from afar...Some people get trapped in the wrong space and place and dont have the courage or the strength,or the wisdom to escape..Listenning to our senses and to our inner self is key and our way to the truth...
And then,the light shines in the horizon and our destiny starts taking control of our lives..Things that are meant to be fall into place...Our resistance to surrender to our destiny vanishes in a jiffy..all the obstacles seem to have never existed..It does not need more than a simple smile,a glance,an idea to know that it might work..to know that what we were looking for was always within reach..so close to us that we have never seen it or touched it!

Sometimes,life takes us so far away from where we were once that we lose touch with our past and we forget that we once were part of a crowd we now observe and don't understand...Have we really been there?..It needs a lot of conviction to be part of something and once we part for a reason,it becomes impossible to go back again..
The life we live is full of adventures and full of choices...What makes us different is the choices and the decisions we make...Our genetic apparatus and our environment merge to guide our actions and to direct our life...

Choices and decisions mold our lives...At the end of the day,it suffices to just remember that our life lies in our hands...That it is our choice...our decision...that we can open or close the door...or just fly away,from the smallest,almost invisible window at the end of a hallway....