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Sunday, October 23, 2011

The Race To Nowhere...

Here I am sitting in a grey chair...empty chair, impersonal and cold as the rest of this place...
Negative vibes surround me and try to penetrate the barrier,created by my strong will and desire to view the beauty of life...the unbreakable need to live fully and happily since tomorrow may not happen at all...and I succeed... I go to my shelter,grab my iPhone and start writing...I am happy ..I have come to understand and analyze more  than ever myself and the environment surrounding me!
The race to nowhere...in the most beautiful town...life has become so fast that people miss out on the most essential elements of  living..and drag themselves in this endless race to nowhere...I need to sit down and look up at the sky,see the clouds and trace them in my mind,the amazing shapes of the clouds...The wonders of this life are everywhere and this second will never return...Is it worth it to be torn by anger,despair or regrets? Is it worth it tormenting oneself with irresolvable issues and driving one's mind to the edge of insanity?
In our quest for perfection we have forgotten that we are not immortal and that the race against time is a race against ourselves...Our life is just a race to nowhere,a race to death whether we acknowledge it or not...The same way we were born out of nowhere,regardless of our will,is the same way we will die out to nowhere?
But life is so beautiful...The rays of the sun,the balancing trees dancing to the shadows of the light and to the music of the earth remind me that life is wonderful...
In my quest to overcome my anxieties and my insecurities,I have learned to see life,slow down and count the flowers in the morning...look at the chipmunks playing in my yard and welcome them in my life...
Life without passion,without emotions is empty and dull...As a mother,I have the duty to give my children the essence of my life experience (still very limited...)
Teaching them to be committed to hard work and integrity is a must but what is most important is giving them the time to see the amazing miracles of life surrounding them,whether it is a blossoming flower or a colorful bird,or the beautiful natural paintings of nature in the fall...A happy human being with emotions sculpting wrinkles in their face is a living wonder of life,a beam of light to others ...An unhappy, winning human being in the race to nowhere is just an unhappy human being!!!
Sometimes it is hard to draw a line and go in the other direction,against the race...But,it must be done..to live happily and die,one day, in peace....

Roula.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

People,people,people...

People...people...people...
Sometimes I sit down and look around me and wonder what is going on in the head of this or that person...A twist in the sentence,an idea said in a different way is misunderstood...Some people have such a narrow vision that if you don't use the exact same words that they usually use,they would not understand you..or may be they could not understand you..The second theory is more plausible...
What I see,understand,assimilate and analyze seems sometimes quite impossible for others...
I see a flower and I think of God's creation ..I think how beautiful is the world...I also wonder how it all started...Is it God,or just the law of Nature?
This process does not happen for all...People can be automated to think and live a certain way and it is really hard for them to change..and why change?There is some sense of comfort and certainty in the routine of things...
Anyway,I like change,flexibility and people who challenge my way of thinking...Intelligent people attract me and stimulate my neurons!I also want my children to have this freedom of thinking,this evolutionary and always regenerating neuronal ,axonal stimulation...
About axonal stimulation,doesn't it all happen up there in the brain...So how come we say that we feel with our hearts?
I have too much love in my life and my heart nowadays...And I am afraid of tomorrow,when my house echoes only the voices and noises made by my children,and husband...I had forgotten that I once was loved too...that I too have parents who thought the world of me and still do...I had forgotten about all of it!
Life had made me so emotionally automated that I knew only one thing,the duty to give my love and expect nothing in return...and it just makes me cry now,to feel that I am  so much loved and appreciated,but it also makes me so afraid of tomorrow...
So many feelings are in here,in my heart and up there in my brain,but I am not sure that I want to share it ...At least not now,when it is all happening...So I will stop here and try to think and feel...and enjoy the moment!

Love,

Roula.